he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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