I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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