Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
