Sry I called you an 8
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
