Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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