There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
