I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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