My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
