I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
