On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
