We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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