Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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