last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
