I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
