garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
