So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
