I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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