The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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