saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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