Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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