Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This baby is an asshole
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Randomize
