dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
