Moan for me like Helen Keller
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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