I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
