Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
