Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
