I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
