I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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