yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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