i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
