I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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