You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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