i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
