I think I am morally bankrupt
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
