Banned from zoo.
Again?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
