Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
