Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
