eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
whose ass print is on the piano?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Randomize
