i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
