You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
