Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
