Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
