I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
