i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
