Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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