her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
