if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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