I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So many bounce houses so little time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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