He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
