Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
