I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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