don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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