glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
