I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
